Jewgle Perth have commenced a number of new services for readers. We expect to become very rich very quickly and retire early.
Please consider the following products:
1) For $1.36 a day we will send out a Tweet every morning at 6.36 AM WST with a valid reason not to say tachanun for that particular day. This service is not available on Shabbat, but can be purchased for second day yomtov at a nominal surcharge of $120.00.
2) For $500 a week we will disclose the secret Dianella grarage which hosts a hashcama minyan on shabbat morning. For an extra $180 you can sponsor the kiddish.
3) For $25,000 we can issue a certificate of conversion to Judaism (note, this may take four years to process and extra charges may apply for milah). Or, if you just decide that it is enough to feel Jewish and think Jewish then you can be Jewish at no charge, beacuse the Maccabean said so.
4) Bumper stickers for your favourite Am Haaretz, and personalised Jewgle number plates available on application.
5) CCTV footage Shule live streaming webcam. Watch for hours as we log who arrives at shule. Date and Timestamp technology allows you to work out what time is fashionably late.
6) Jewgle Quinoa – 500 gram packets available for $9.95 certified kosher lePesach. Cheaper than your local kosher outlet!
7) Holy water – flaggons of spiritually infused water extracted from a decommissioned mikvah behind the old maccabi changerooms. Only $7.70.
Please lodge your orders before 14 Adar, and don’t forget to list any other product requests that you feel would be suitable to endow with the Jewgle Perth brand.
