The Autocorrect Seder

This year I present my annual Pesach composition of the 5782 Autocorrect Seder:

Happy Peach.  Here we are at the sadder table with the whole mishap-cha.  I’m sitting next to the murder in law, waiting for the kishdish and the taste of the bread of eviction.

Ur-klutz – the klutz of the family is brought a bowl to wash his hands.

Carcus – I’m already so hungry I could eat an entire cow.  But instead we will just have this little bit of garnish in the form of a sprig of parsley, which has the desired effect of making us bitter until we get to eat already.

Magid – All who are hungry, let them miss wheat.

Mah Nishtana halilah hazeh mikol I talk a lot.

Four sons;

The Pfwizer son

The Covid son

The rapid anti-generation son

The son who does not know how to wear a mask

Time for the 12 plaques:

Bloody autocorrect

blogs

gender rights

Besties

Pesty sis

Bills

Spam email

POTUS

Dark Side of the Force

Death of Shane Warne

Rabbi Zelensky the Ukrainian said “One does derive that in every plague that was inflicted on us we inflict fifty in return.”

Dai Dai ennu, there’s still a lot to get through, before we get to eat the beef stew, the words are there to stick to, enough maggid Dayenu.  Ilu Ilu Hotzeianu, hot outside, this song I outgrew, mimitzrayim, drink lechayim, dayneu.

Tonight’s obligatory dad joke comes in the form of a drasha that I heard from my Rabbit about Moshe having a stutter therefore his name was excluded from the Haggadah because he couldn’t Seder right words.

Pour thy sauce upon the national dishes of the world and upon the condiments that do not go with chrain. For they have now fed Jacob and caused his constipation. Let your fiery wrath burn inside and vanquish your enemies and may their stomachs run like the river Nile.

An electric Goat that my father recharged for two Zuzim.  Only one volt.